Letters to My Neighbors

Celebrating my neighbors one word at a time.

Posts tagged roommate

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Dear old roommate, 

I continue to despise you as I realize that living with you passed out in the kitchen without pants was so horrifying that m brain has blocked out everything to do with a kitchen, including cooking. I can only remember how to make pasta and use a microwave. WILL SOMEONE RETEACH ME HOW TO COOK?!?!?

-YN

PS I just realized that I have both milk an butter and can make Mac and cheese!!! I feel like I’m a bad adult because I am REALLY excited about this. Maybe I’ll skip it and just have cookies for dinner. Best plan ever.

Dear old roommate,

I continue to despise you as I realize that living with you passed out in the kitchen without pants was so horrifying that m brain has blocked out everything to do with a kitchen, including cooking. I can only remember how to make pasta and use a microwave. WILL SOMEONE RETEACH ME HOW TO COOK?!?!?

-YN

PS I just realized that I have both milk an butter and can make Mac and cheese!!! I feel like I’m a bad adult because I am REALLY excited about this. Maybe I’ll skip it and just have cookies for dinner. Best plan ever.

Filed under roommate brooklyn greenpoint

1,285 notes

unconsumption:

The idea of turning burned-out incandescent light bulbs into vases and terrariums has made the blogosphere and Pinterest rounds. If you haven’t come across it and/or haven’t read a useful tutorial explaining how to open up bulbs and clean them out, check out this Freepeople post or this one from Instructables.

Dear future roommate,
I would make pretty fun things like this to decorate our space. We would be so green and cute. I just have to find you first.
-YN

unconsumption:

The idea of turning burned-out incandescent light bulbs into vases and terrariums has made the blogosphere and Pinterest rounds. If you haven’t come across it and/or haven’t read a useful tutorial explaining how to open up bulbs and clean them out, check out this Freepeople post or this one from Instructables.

Dear future roommate,

I would make pretty fun things like this to decorate our space. We would be so green and cute. I just have to find you first.

-YN

Filed under roommate brooklyn

0 notes

Dear Roommate,
You are dude, stop taking so many goddamn bubble baths. I just want to brush my teeth. Also, the thought of you being naked near me makes me kinda nauseous. Oh jesus, who knows what you are doing in there.
-YN

Dear Roommate,

You are dude, stop taking so many goddamn bubble baths. I just want to brush my teeth. Also, the thought of you being naked near me makes me kinda nauseous. Oh jesus, who knows what you are doing in there.

-YN

Filed under dear god i need to move roommate

Notes

Dear Roommate,
While I understand that you work hard and have a suspected drug problem, please, for the love of God, stop passing out in your bedroom with the door open and no clothes on. I am so tired of seeing your balls. They are not attractive. Just kind of sad.
I should move,
YN

Dear Roommate,

While I understand that you work hard and have a suspected drug problem, please, for the love of God, stop passing out in your bedroom with the door open and no clothes on. I am so tired of seeing your balls. They are not attractive. Just kind of sad.

I should move,

YN

Filed under roommate brooklyn so fucking tired of your balls

2 notes

Dear Terrible Roommate,
It seems that we have shared yet another awkward and disturbing moment this evening, one that has infuriated me. I can tolerate your dirty clothes all over our shared space, all of the ‘guests’ you have in the hallway late at night, the weird objects that I find in our bathroom, and the new gardening that you have begun in our living room, but what I witnessed tonight is just insufferable! As I turned the corner into the kitchen it took my brain a bout 20 seconds of staring at you to register that you were masturbating, it took another 5 seconds for me to realize that you were eating my food. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO BUY THAT FOOD AT TRADER JOES?!?!?! I cannot tolerate you eating my precious groceries. There will be repercussions!
Enraged,
YN

Dear Terrible Roommate,

It seems that we have shared yet another awkward and disturbing moment this evening, one that has infuriated me. I can tolerate your dirty clothes all over our shared space, all of the ‘guests’ you have in the hallway late at night, the weird objects that I find in our bathroom, and the new gardening that you have begun in our living room, but what I witnessed tonight is just insufferable! As I turned the corner into the kitchen it took my brain a bout 20 seconds of staring at you to register that you were masturbating, it took another 5 seconds for me to realize that you were eating my food. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO BUY THAT FOOD AT TRADER JOES?!?!?! I cannot tolerate you eating my precious groceries. There will be repercussions!

Enraged,

YN

Filed under Brooklyn roommate trader joes Anyone need an adorable roommate?

3 notes

Dear Disgusting Roommate,
This morning as I went to take a shower I was greeted by the sight of a pair of your (dirty?) underwear hanging right in the middle of the shower. I had to bathe, so I could not avoid dealing with this situation like I normally do by going to my happy place and walking away. My choices were to either remove the offending briefs or to just shower next to them and try to ignore them. I was not pleased with either of these options. WHY WERE THERE SO MANY STREAKS ON THEM?!?!?! And why were they hanging in there?! Please remember laundry day next week.
You suck,
YN

Dear Disgusting Roommate,

This morning as I went to take a shower I was greeted by the sight of a pair of your (dirty?) underwear hanging right in the middle of the shower. I had to bathe, so I could not avoid dealing with this situation like I normally do by going to my happy place and walking away. My choices were to either remove the offending briefs or to just shower next to them and try to ignore them. I was not pleased with either of these options. WHY WERE THERE SO MANY STREAKS ON THEM?!?!?! And why were they hanging in there?! Please remember laundry day next week.

You suck,

YN

Filed under roommate dirty underwear brooklyn why the fuck am i still living here

5 notes

Dear Roommate,
This morning as I was picking a spoon to eat my cereal with, I found myself checking for burn marks on the underside of each spoon. I think when I have to check for drug paraphernalia before I’ve had my breakfast it is a good sign that I need to move.
You Kind of Suck,
YN

Dear Roommate,

This morning as I was picking a spoon to eat my cereal with, I found myself checking for burn marks on the underside of each spoon. I think when I have to check for drug paraphernalia before I’ve had my breakfast it is a good sign that I need to move.

You Kind of Suck,

YN

Filed under Polish I just want my cereal crack free breakfast roommate

4 notes

Dear Creepy Roommate,

I was quite startled the other night when I stumbled across a frightening sight in our darkened apartment: your genitals. I maintain that my intentions were perfectly innocent as I shuffled down the hallway, heading towards the bathroom. I merely looked into your wide open bedroom door to judge your level inebriation when my eyes fell upon the uncovered flesh of your manhood blatantly displayed for all to see. I assume that you were naked because it was so warm that evening, and that the cat is the real culprit behind the open door, and not for some nefarious ulterior motives. Regardless, I am still quite repulsed by the memory of the sight. I have found solace in watching the above kitten video and various other lolcatz images. I only hope that this situation never happens again, though I fear it will continue to be a frequent event throughout the summer.

Resigned,

YN

Filed under polish creepy naked flacid penis man meat speedo roommate

4 notes

Dear Terrible Roommate,

I have grown accustomed to your odd habits, such as passing out on your face, leaving weird, half-full food containers all over the apartment, and hogging all of the space in the fridge. Tonight you have introduced something new into the mix that I cannot get behind: cheesy vomit smell. I looked around briefly to discover the source of this most foul odor, I even almost asked you abut it, but you were very intently watching television in your bathrobe and I decided it was best to just accept this new development as part of our living arrangement and go to bed. So cheers to your life choices!

Thanks,

YN

Filed under polish roommate bathrobe vomit