Letters to My Neighbors

Hey Neighbors,

I found a new place! Anyone want my old one?

I am moving out of the apartment and am helping my roommate fill my room. The location couldn’t be better, right on India and Franklin in Greenpoint and I am sad to be leaving it. The room is a great deal for the area. It is furnished with a full bed, 2 dressers, ac unit, some shelving and has a small closet and a window. It is not a railroad apartment, it has a shared kitchen and bathroom. You will be sharing with a 27 year old guy who works 7-5. The apartment has a cat that will sneak into the bedroom, so you should be ok with cats. The room gets quite warm and faces a noisy street. No smoking, no pets, no couples. He is looking for someone who works a regular job, will pay bills on time, and wont bring a lot of friends over.

Move in is June 1st, security of $650 to secure the room, $650 due on June 1st for first month’s rent, $50 for key (will be returned when you move out), utilities included, month-to-month rent, looking for long term.

Please email me if you have any questions. To schedule a viewing send me some info about your work, living habits, and interests.

Thanks.

But seriously. It’s a great place if you dont mind living with a polish man with a personal problem.

-YN

Dear unemployed neighbors,

Beacon’s Closet is also hiring, but you should probably try to get a job at Dalaga first.

-YN

(Source: )

Dear neighbors,

Need a job? Dalaga is hiring! I want to own EVERTHING in the store. Work there and get me discounts!!

-YN

(Source: )

dandelionwineshop:

For all you Dandelion Wine lovers out there… a recipe for Dandelion and Violet Lemonade!

Dandelions are loaded with Calcium, Potassium, Iron, and Vitamins A and C.  Violets are also great sources of Vitamins A and C.  This lemonade is a beautifully delicious and healthy tonic!  More details on the health benefits of Dandelions.

• Fill 1/2 gallon mason jar 1/2 way with dandelions and violet flowers.
• Add the juice and rind of two - three lemons.
• Fill to the very top with water and cap tightly.
• Let steep in a sunny location for a day like you would sun-tea.
• Strain through muslin and really squeeze all the moisture out.
• Add honey to suit your taste. 
  
  
  Dandy loves you.

Dear Neighbors,

This looks beautiful and delicious. I am going to try making it to enjoy on a lovely summers day. If it doesn’t kill me, maybe I will share?

-YN

wordbrooklyn:

Always wanted to learn to pickle? Of course you have. Come to our workshop with Kate Payne on May 31st, and go home with all the knowledge you require (and a book!)

Hey Neighbors,

I already took a class on pickling this year, and I LOVED it, so you should probably take this class. Do it. I might take it also. Why the hell not.

-YN

Dear WORD,

I would like to write a letter of complaint regarding your dating service. After coming across your service in your store the other day I decided to respond to one of your listings and see what happened. I mostly assumed I would not receive an answer but could post something cute on my tumblr, what actually happened was so much worse. I was surprised to receive a response:

Hello there! I don’t drink but I’d love to have a coffee or something with you. Would you happen to be busy tomorrow afternoon? Also, might we get to know each other a bit beforehand?

This response immediately raised several red flags: What kind of person doesn’t drink? Who has free time in the afternoon? Why doesn’t he have to be at work? Who gets to know someone before getting together to get to know someone? I texted a friend in concern:

Me: So I wrote an email to that guy from the Word personals and he wrote back and wants to meet but he doesn’t drink and I want to say no. What kind of person doesn’t drink? Recovering alcoholics?

Friend: And Mormons! Recovering alcoholics can make excellent boyfriends though, it can mean they’ve been through shitloads of therapy and got their lives together. As long as he doesnt mind you drinking… I say give him a shot!… Although, given who he listed as his favorite authors, he’s probably an annoying Brooklyn cliche.

Well, so like any woman of a certain age would do, I Googled him. At first I assumed I had googled the wrong person (it is amazing the amount of information you can find out about a complete stranger, like scary amounts of info…). There was no way this could be right:

Me: He’s into gangsta rap!?

Friend: Like… he makes his own?

Me: He writes about rap? And he’s allergic to all foods!! WHAT’S GOING ON?!?

Friend: You HAVE to go on a date with him. I want to hear the story.

So I googled some more to find out what a person who likes rap and is allergic to everything does….

Me: OMG. Maybe he doesn’t drink because HE IS TOO YOUNG TO BUY ALCOHOL!!!! There should be an age line on that stupid piece of paper!!

Friend: HAAAAAAAAAA!!!

More Google…

Me: OMG!!! I THINK HE”S STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!

Friend: HAAAAAAA!!!

Me: AM I GOING TO JAIL?!?!?!

Friend: This is totally To Catch a Predator setup!

In conclusion, he said he was 18 and I told him we had shut it down. I am not Liz Lemon. Also in conclusion, WORD, maybe you should consider putting a line for age on your dating slips? Also-also in conclusion, I learned not to respond to tiny slips of paper. I am giving up New York, I will wait to date until I retire to Florida.

Ridiculous as ever,

Your Neighbor

Email to guy:

Subject: Word Personals

Hi Guy,

I am a lady who saw your personal ad at Word bookstore. I also enjoy Vonnegut and Fitzgerald, this means we should have at least 2 things to talk about over a drink. Ready to meet your literary soul mate? Or at least enjoy a cold, refreshing beer at a local establishment?

-S

Dear Neighbors,

Is this how adults find dates? I hope he shoots me down gently. Maybe I will reopen my OkCupid profile. My responses on there are good fun.

-YN

Dear Neighbors,

Looking for a new roommate? Check out the tac board at Word! You might just find the literary roommate of your dreams!

-YN

(Source: )

Dear Romantically Inclined Neighbors,

Could this Vonnegut loving individual be the dream guy to my crazy lady? Should I write him? Is this more or less weird than online dating?

-YN

Hey Neighbors,

Looking for love? Check out the tac board at Word bookstore in Greenpoint. You might just find another lonely heart who could be your literary soul mate. Good luck!

-YN

In honor of MCA:
// BEASTIE BOWL //
Plus a special Beastie Boys tribute AV performance by Eclectic Method!

Thursday, May 10
Doors at 6PM // Show at 8PM
21+
FREE
Drink Special: $5 “Brass Monkeys” (7pm-10pm)
Followed by DJ ?uestlove’s Bowl Train

***

At the Bowl, when we lose one of our heroes, we like to pay them tribute.

It’s time to pay tribute to MCA. And we’re going to do it the best way we know how: by throwing a BEASTIE BOWL.

This Thursday, we’ll screen MCA’s film, “Awesome: I Fuckin’ Shot That” on all our huge HD screens with full concert sound. In case you don’t know about “Awesome”, it’s a concert film about the Beastie Boys’ 2006 sold out Madison Square Garden show. And it rules.

Plus, Eclectic Method will be in the house to play a very special Beastie Boys tribute AV performance. And, after the screening, DJ ?uestlove is back for his weekly Bowl Train residency.

So come rock with us on Thursday, in honor of the one and only MCA. Then stay and boogie with ?uesto. It’s a win win

Dear Neighbors,

Beastie Bowl! This Thursday! Be there!

YN

Howdy Neighbors,

I finally made it into Ana Chronos today and chatted with the owner Erica about her amazing window displays of the past. Apparently they were so amazing that people thought the store was a gallery and not a clothing store, so they are on hold for a while. It’s a cute store with some interesting vintage pieces so check it out next time you stroll down Franklin to do some shopping.

-YN

Dear neighbors,

Have I mentioned that I just discovered the joys of instagram last week? Now if I want to take pictures of everything I eat and put a quirky filter on it and post it for the world to see nothing and no one can stop me!!! Mwahahahah!!!

-YN

(Source: twitter.com)

Dear Pizza Loving Neighbors,

Firstly, have you eaten at Paulie Gee’s in Greenpoint yet? If not, shame on you. If yes, were you there on Halloween? If you were then you witnessed the amazing scene pictured above: all of the staff dressed up like their beloved Paulie Gee in his signature baseball cap, glasses, and plaid shirt. It was kind of amazing. My only complaint is that none of them were as chatty as the real man. Photo courtesy of Paulie Gee himself.

Go eat some pizza gang.

-YN

PS New life goal: Convince Paulie Gee to teach me how to make pizza.